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I absolutely HATE panty hose! When possible, I try to avoid wearing them at all cost. But then there are times when I just can't get around it, like yesterday! Three years ago I wrote Panty Hose Are Evil.
I was wearing a winter white skirt suit, one of those suits that "require" panty hose. Plus, the formalities of why I was wearing the suit, paired with winter still... you understand.
Remembering I didn't get hose, I ran to WalMart to pick up a pair of sheer, oatmeal. The reason for my disdain goes far beyond the itchy and scratchy. I can never get a pair to fit! They're always too short, too long, or something! I am 5'2 and one half inch, one hundred and fifty something pounds, and currently wearing a size ten/twelvish. I fall in the size 2 range, on the panty hose chart. Due to experience and to be safe, I buy a size three.
I gingerly pull the hose out of the bag, and they look a little short. Trying my best to make it to Sunday School, I dismiss it, and precede to put them on. Starting at the toes, like my mother showed me... I put one foot in, then the other, easing the panty hose up. They stop at the top of my thighs. Are you kidding me???
I take the hose off, and give them a stretch, trying to lengthen them. Starting over, I put them on again, the very same way. This time they just barely make it all the way up... and the crouch is still between my legs. Refusing to take them off again, I start lunging, and POW! The seat of the hose popped like a fire cracker, sending runs down the left leg.
On our way to church, I had to stop by WalMart, again. This time I was going to make sure they were big enough. I bought QUEEN SIZE. There were thousands of people (exaggeration, but there were a lot), and the lines were long! I put the new hose on after getting to church (I missed Sunday School). They fit.
By the time church was over, the queen size panty hose had given up on me. I had elephant legs. When I was a little girl, I couldn't wait to wear panty hose. Now, I feel like panty hose are a punishment.
What have been your experience with the evil ones?
